Back on track, i hope!!! Please read & comment

***************DISCLAIMER***************** this post is raw & has swearing, if that offends you, look no further. Sorry.

We had hit a bump in the road, there were a few issues that me getting a job will solve. Cross your fingers that something comes up soon, this is getting ridiculous, i have never had so much trouble before or been out this long, i have a good resume & awesome GPA (4.25). I seriously do not know what the problem is. It has brought us a lot of stress, even though i get ei it is not even close to what i made working. He is feeling a lot of pressure because he has to supplement that & doesn't get much left from his cheque. I get it, i really do, but that is kinda what happens when you grow up & have a family lol. We aren't in our early 20's anymore, in fact i am going to be 32 next week, i have a 12 year old son & he will be 30 in January. In the older days men brought in more than women & women did more around the house. Kinda the way it is here. I make supper, lunch, daily clean (still like help with the major cleaning) etc.

Anyhoo, it has been a source of stress & i am hoping we can move on really soon, with or without a job, we started trying to put things back on track, hope it continues that way.

With everything all wedding plans got put on hold. They still are sort of. It is time to focus on the social, there is less than 2 months now until the social so that will be my focus. I need to start figuring out decorations, selling tickets, etc. We know lots of people are going to go,  but i need them to start buying tickets so that i can get the ball rolling lol. So many people are last minute, it just makes me worry that it won't be a good turn out though i am sure it will.

I had a falling out with an aunt, so she will be the only one not invited to my wedding, i am even inviting the ones on my mom's side whom i never ever see or talk too. I never intended for it to be this way but what she did is inexcusable. She posted something on one of my statuses on fb, i deleted the status later as i always do, so then a couple days later she posts something on my wall, telling me how i need to grow up etc etc etc. I will not say what all it said but it was really rude, now here is the thing, she only put it on my wall & not in private so that she could get other members of my family to jump on me. I had enough & told them all that enough was enough, they could shut up now, i do not tell them how to run their lives so they can butt out of mine, i am an adult & they have no say or control over what i do. I also said that they never bother with me unless it is to tell me how to run my life (true story). I haven't heard from her in almost a year & you want to post on my wall telling me how much of a shitty person i am (then deny that she put me down later). Not gonna go for it.

Then another cousin texts me, right after i was airlifted to prince george, i told her i didn't want to deal with her opinionated bullshit either & i specifically said at this moment, because i was in the process of MOVING that day & then my mom. She proceeded to tell me how i need to learn how to deal with stress & how am i ever gonna deal with anything if i can't deal with a bunch of crap n what not. WTF you dumb bitch, i told you that i had enough going on with my move & my mom to have to worry about your petting bullshit & you tell me i need to deal with things better. F*** off, seriously, i dealt with it fine but i did not want people's bs to add to it, she just wanted to tell me her opinions on how i was running my life, on the day i was moving, when my mom was airlifted to another hospital for their ICU. Who in their right mind would want to deal with that bs right then? She proceeded to go on n on about how i needed to deal with things. I just ignored her after that. What the hell kinda person does that sort of thing?

I then fly to where my mom is, with very little money in my pocket, but my thought is my mom, now i thought i would be gone about a week, i wasn't expecting 3 weeks. I ended up having to spend one of my checks up there, which sucked, cause that was money that could have been used at home, G also had to put as much in order as he could without me, he wasn't expecting 3 weeks either, but i was not leaving her until i was confident she would be OK. The infection was sepsis so it could have killed her, even though the meds shut down her kidneys it was really a matter of life or death, no one has any idea what hell & horror we truly went through up there.

hotmail started sending out too much spam so i started using my gmail as primary. NO ONE in my family has it, my son doesn't even have it. All of a sudden i get an email from this aunt. After everything i deleted her off fb, when my mom's sisters are asking me why she has posted this on my page & how inappropriate it is i realise it is not just me who thinks that way & i deleted her, not blocked, so she still could have sent me a message on fb. I know the only way she could have got my email address is from this cousin, i haven't addressed that yet but i am pretty pissed off at my cousin.

The email continues to berate me, through the whole thing, pissed off that i deleted her, that i didn't ask her to come for coffee, she is going on n on about how she can't figure out why i do not respect my grandma, why i hate her etc etc. I do not hate my grandma, i can't stand her, there is a difference, seeing her makes my blood boil, she has hurt me like no one else could & because i didn't expect that from her it hurts just to look at her. It is none of my aunt's business, has nothing to do with her, at the end of the email she says she won't bother me ever again. First off, i never knew she was coming, until a week before, when my son told me, i was moving into our place 4 days after she got her, was painting & moving things over from morning until suppertime every day before we moved, only had it ready after midnight the night before we moved. I don't know where i would have had time to have coffee with someone i hadn't spoken with in a year, who couldn't be bothered to say they were coming.

She phoned once, i was busy at the new house painting, but all she wanted was to tell me more of her opinion on this situation. Why would i want to see you????????? So i responded one time & at the end i told her that if she wanted to email me, that was fine, as long as she stopped blaming me for every damn thing when i didn't do any of it. In her response she said she didn't care what G or any other of my friends thought, they hadn't been there from the beginning. Are you serious????????? You live 2000 miles away, have from the get go, come down every 1-2 years for  a week or 2 and are going to tell me you know more than the person who has lived through it with me for the last 5 years? Give your head a friggen shake. You go on hearsay, he actually sees & hears it first hand. I did not bother to respond after that, why should i? So she will not be getting an invite, i won't forgive her, i did not like her anyways for an incident 15 years ago so i will not go back on this i am positive.

This post got away from what i was trying to say so i will do a wedding update in a new post. I know i am leaving a lot out but i posted about the situation with my gram before, i do not want to post it all over.