So i said i was going to post on Jen's blog last time i posted but i still haven't found the exact words i need. I would like to welcome a new reader. *Wave* Hi Jo!!!
We are 19 days away from our trip, while it is exciting to be that close i still have a shadow hanging over my head. I can't explain the whole thing on this blog so that is where a post on Jen's blog is needed. Also have an update on my mom. She is out of the hospital!!! She was only in there 6 days so that is good. I think things will be better for her than they were. Anything will be better than that. She still has a lot of pain, but they cut through muscles so it will take a while.
So here is some of my heavy thoughts. I am going through a lot of stuff with my son right now, he has taken a molehill and made it a mountain. I have 2 ways i can proceed. I can fight, or i can give up. I haven't decided what i am going to do. A lot depends on what that family does. I will explain that over there. I do not want posts about him over here right now. This blog was on my fb page when i was entering contests so i do not know who is reading.
Here is where i have an even bigger issue. If i give up i will give up the entire family. I don't care about most of them anyways. They claim to be so close but they back talk each other constantly. They are really 2 faced but they will stand behind one another against outsiders, or even each other. It is a weird dynamic.
I have been struggling ever since my uncle passed in November. We had a great trip back home, but before my auntie got there my grandma pulled me aside and said "do not tell anyone about your uncle being in jail". She said that Marlene did not want people knowing what he did. I said ok to keep the peace but it has bothered me ever since. There is a reunion next year and i can guarantee this man will be at it. I am appalled that they will just let these peoples kids be around him without knowing he is a pedophile and has been convicted twice.
I have an issue with being told i am supposed to keep my mouth shut. These people didn't care that i got molested, they swept it under the rug. No one has EVER come to me to talk about it, to see how i feel. NO ONE, not my dad, not my aunt, not my cousins. Why should i care about their feelings when they so obviously do not care about mine? I know the more people know the more they are hurt but why should everyone else's rights and feelings trump mine?
I think society should know anytime their is an abuser amongst them. He molested me right in front of other people. They say he won't do it again, that he got help this time. He already has 3 known victims (i know of more). They all thought he would not do it again, and he did, so i can not trust that he is "cured". He cheated on her many times over the years even with her friends and she knows about it. He has sexual issues and i don't believe he is cured.
I think the family should know about him. I think they should have the choice whether they want to go to the reunion knowing their is a pedophile there. I DON'T THINK it should be swept under the rug like they say i should do. WHY should he be there freely with no one knowing what he did just cause it is easier for his family to pretend he never did it.
I just can't wrap my head around it. I had to delete one of my friends off fb because he works with her, so that he would not see my statuses. That was before i realized i could make groups and hide them from certain people. I don't think i should have to be quite. I think i should have a voice. I know it is a smallish (14k) community but i think the community should know they have child molesters among them. There was a publication ban so nothing could be said in the paper about him but yet a man who got caught with kiddie pictures (but had not physically done anything) was ousted and this man who physically done something has not been found out.
I have a lot more to say but i don't want to put so much heavy on here so i will save it for now. I really can't be the only one who thinks this way.
Hey girl.. you know my feelings on the matter.... i think everyone in the entire country should know what he did.
ReplyDeleteI really do believe that the people coming to the reunion should know ESPECIALLY if there will be kids. To me... its not 'outting' him... its saving someone else. Some innocent child who should NEVER have to be molested.
In my personal opinion, i think all convicted child molesters should have their junk cut off and shoved down their throats.. but then.. thats just me lol
Howdy stranger (been a while since you commented lol)
ReplyDeleteI was talking to my sil yesterday and i said it like this. Everyone thinks he is "cured" and that he will not re-offend, but they thought that this time too but i could never forgive myself if he did something to a kid there. He is allowed kids as long as his wife is with him. I couldn't believe it when i read everything and how lax his conditions are.
I agree about junk cut off.
Being a victim of molestation myself, I completely agree with you. Everyone should know and have the choice of whether thier kids are around him. Of course any mother who would allow thier kids to be around someone like that really shouldn't have kids! I don't envy your situation at all.
ReplyDeleteReally glad to hear your mom is doing well. And thanks for the shout out...*waving back*.
It sickens me that my entire family still has their kids around him. I said to one cousin "it could have been your daughter" and she said "but it wasn't". I was FLOORED. I could not believe that was the response.
ReplyDeleteTheir place is where all the get togethers are. They have the pool.
I was molested by my half-brother. I was 5 and it went on for about 3 years. Like you, I didn't know how to tell anyone. I felt it was wrong, but he was my brother. We ended up moving out of state and he stayed with his mom. He actually had a heart condition and died when he was 2. Of course all the Cocaine he used didn't help. I can't say I'm happy he is dead, but I'm not exactly sad. I also had a similar experience with a friend of my dad's when I was about 10. Thankfully he moved away and I never saw him again. All that to say I can't imagine having to face him and act like nothings wrong. I feel for you.
ReplyDeleteThey are still abusing you. While all but forcing you to keep quiet to keep the peace, they - Grandma, Aunt, etc. - are ignoring the elephant in the room. HE IS A FUCKING PEDOPHILE. NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE. ENOUGH! I'd sing it from the GD rooftops and let the cards fall where they may. You can't win against these people. Time and time again you've put your best foot forward, tried to move on, and it comes back on you. THEY ARE TRYING TO PRETEND IT DIDN'T HAPPEN, BUT IT DID! OMGOSH, I don't know how you stay in control. I'd want to freaking hurt someone.
ReplyDeleteok....sorry, it's just we've been "friends" for a while now and this is such a big part of your life that people who are supposed to care about you want to pretend didn't happen. Ignoring the problem won't make it go away. At reunions, there are people everywhere. How easy will it be for him to sneak some small, unassuming, innocent child off and do who knows what? It doesn't take long.
Enough about that. I know you are struggling with what to do, and I will pray for guidance for you.
Glad to hear Mom is doing better. That's a good thing. Will look for you on the other blog. mum
Jo, i wish this man was dead. It would certainly make things easier. That must have helped with your healing.
ReplyDeleteThe admit he is a pedophile mum. They do not have blinders about that. They think he won't do it again and that he is sick. They thought he wouldn't do it again this time either.
They just seem to think brushing it under the carpet is the way to go always.
Thank you, i am going to do a short post tonight and then more later. I wanted to do a big post but i am so beyond beat.
Oh my Gosh! I like Mum, would probably freak the F out!!! And if I ever found out that I had been letting my kids be around a Chi-Mo and a bunch of my family knew about it?!! Wow. Would not be good.
ReplyDeleteAnd how f-ing stupid can you possibly be? They have interviewed molesters in prison and they have said if they got out they WOULD molest again. And as much fun as it may be, they have also said that if they were castrated they would still do it, just with various objects. Sick Bastards!!!!
Sorry you are forced to make a decision like this - it is wrong!
Stacey
I agree Stacey. He is not your "typical" child mo but i think he is a freak and a pervert non the less. I can't see him going that far (want to do it while casterated).
ReplyDeleteEither way just cause they don't think he will do anything and because it would hurt my aunt is no excuse to not tell those who will be around.