Work is still going good. We are half way through the season. I bought a new camera and JUST figured out how to take a picture properly. It drives me crazy though that I can not see the picture right after I take it unless i click live feed. I got my first big girl camera a Nikon d3300.
I will post about my "marriage" and everything to do with that next time. Right now I feel like I want to share something I just put on facebook. I try not to put too much their but this needed to be said. I am adding a tidbit because there is one part I didn't share there that I will here.
When one is fat, the first thought people think is "man, if they just ate less junk they would lose weight" or "if they went to the gym and worked hard they would be fit". Both of those are complete myths for those of us who did not gain weight from food.
Sure, I don't eat as healthy as I should but what you can't see is that I try to eat foods that don't make me sick. Do you have any idea what my daily struggle with food is because I am sick daily? I honestly feel like i am on the run for an eating disorder. If I could have a bag for nutrients and not have to eat.....I would. THAT is how sick I am.
Do you know that if I didn't eat that "crap (i try to eat a lot of fruit too) food I wouldn't eat at all??? Do you know that if I eat twice a day I am lucky? They even notice it at work if I go in for supper, because if I eat lunch I can't eat supper at all. I am either really bloated from eating or I am so full I can't eat. When I do eat, I don't eat a lot of food at one time.
Do you know that 7 months later I am no better than the 1st day that I got sick in the hospital? People tell me every day how great I look.......what they don't see is on the inside. What they don't see is the 7 times I have been in the bathroom already that day and it is only 10 am. I put on a good show, because I don't WANT people to see me sick. It is embarrassing and humiliating. I also try not to complain, because that does me no good. I may be sick for the rest of my life. I don't know.
What I do know is this. I gained a tremendous amount of weight when I first got sick years ago and while I have lost 40 pounds I have had 3 different doctors now tell me I will never be skinny. It just won't ever be my reality. I have accepted it.
I have had FIVE (5) MAJOR surgeries on my stomach/gut area. I have a huge T shape scar plus multiple others. I have 3 cuts end to end in the exact same spot. Do you know what comes with that? Scar tissue, and LOTS of it. My insides are a complete mess according to the two doctors who did my surgeries in November.
So what I can't accept is this extra "skin/overhang" on my gut. What I can't handle is being judged because I am not skinny. So, because I am a solution based person I am fixing it.
On Wednesday I went for a consultation with a plastic surgeon and had already been approved for 2 procedures before I met with her. One of those procedures is a tummy tuck. Yes, I am getting plastic surgery. It is something I HAVE to do for me, and only for me and my self-esteem. The way I view my body is horrible. I believe 100% this is what I need to do to feel better about myself again. Here is the part I have added for the blog......I am also getting a boob job. Mine look horrible for multiple reasons and are completely lopsided. Go big or go home. Due to my stature and how wide my breast bone is the left will be 750 cc and the right 700 cc and they go down about 50 cc once in.
I won't be skinny, but my stomach will not be my focal point. Once that is all done and I am healed my next step will be working on my arms. With my build I will never be skinny there either so I might as well build my muscles and tone up. Wish me luck. Go with me on my journey or get the fuck off the train. #nobodyshame
Next time you make fun of someone for being overweight remember this......you don't know their story. You know nothing about them. Also, the perception that only skinny people can eat crap food or junk is pure bogus if you ask me.
You do YOU, girl. If it will bring you some joy and happiness, I say go for it. That being said, I admit to being ignorant to a lot of what you are dealing with. I am overweight because of poor choices and I know I am the only one who can fix that.
ReplyDeleteWill this tummy tuck help eliminate any of that scar tissue? The fact that you're still sick makes me sad. Has whatever is wrong "digestive-wise" just not been able to be pin-pointed, so you are still dealing with upset belly issues? With all of the technology today, you would think they would be able to help you.
Try to keep smiling. You answer to no one (except the big guy upstairs if you are a believer). Hugs to you! mum
thanks Mum!!! I can't say I have made the best choices, I eat a lot of crap because I can't eat the healthy stuff. It's either crap or nothing at all some days.
DeleteThe tummy tuck is like this, she is going to pull my stomach muscles back together because they are completely apart and put in a permanent set of stitching that will make it like a corset. She will then remove the skin from below and stretch the top skin down so I will be MUCH flatter. I won't lose pounds but a lot of inches. I am already down 2 sizes so if I can go down 2 more and just be a 14/16 I will be happy. I have hundreds of dollars in new jeans though. LOL. One I recently (before this) spent $80 on.
The scar tissue will not be touched, so it will still be there, but i am not 100% sure if they take more out as part of the process.
I havent seen a doctor. i have to see a "special" specialist for a specific test because I have had both stomach and bowel issues so a colonoscopy won't be very effective. I need an endo-capsule study. Only 3 doctors in the city can do it. My referral again went in June 3rd. Now I wait for them to call me.
I am positive I have Crohn's, in fact if they told me I didn't I wouldn't believe them.
I always smile :) Thanks hun!