2 posts today

grrr i had this started and my computer crapped, turned back on and there was no draft, just the title ugh.

today has been a bad day for me, emotionally draining, i broke down and bawled at work. The situation with my gram (i will elaborate more on the now later) has me suffering depression and nothing happened today but with the stress i am under from it i don't need a reason to be set off.
I don't know what is going on, i can't hit enter to make a new paragraph so i may not do 2 posts, i have time at work but i won't make them all run on.
I bought some things for my maid of honor off of vistaprint (no not her "gift" just to go with her gift) and i am going to do the same for my other bridesmaids, too bad i couldn't do a bag full of goodies for $20 for the guys too, unfortunately i know they would not appreciate the cute things i am getting for the girls.


ok i am able to move down now, weird, anyways today is 13 weeks since i have quit smoking and days like today i don't know how i can make it through the day without a cig. NO i do not want to start smoking again, but i have NEVER been able to relax, i have adhd and the things that relax most people can turn into a panic attack for me, smoking was the ONLY thing ever been able to calm me down when having really hard times like this. So while i don't wish to smoke (i like the 50$ a week i can buy wedding things with that i used to spend on cigs) i wish i could have a cig when overly stressed and that be the end of it, unfortunately with my addictive personality i know i wouldn't stop there and can't chance it. My fiance would be soooooo heartbroken if i did, especially since i have gone 3 months now.