Health **present day**

I don't want to keep the two of you waiting all weekend to find out the update if you happen to be reading blogger over the weekend so i am posting this late. I didn't mean to write a history post, it just came out and then got long so i had to break it up. If i would have just started with now it might have been a bit confusing.

Fast forward 10 years. In this time i have had multiple ultrasounds. I believe i have only had 3 come back clean this whole time, maybe 4 at the most. I had a referral to a gyno in another town (not the big city) and when i saw him he told me if i lost weight i probably wouldn't have so many problems and that he did not have my history so really couldn't help me. I was appalled at the treatment i got from him. I have learned to always take someone else with me to my appointments so i can prove how they treat me. Nowadays word doesn't seem to count for much even though i am not a big liar. This man had me waiting for almost 3 hours past my appointment time (and then they tried to ask me to reschedule cause he was so far behind, um ya no, i live 1.5 hours away, not happening) and the very first thing out of his mouth was that my weight was the problem without knowing a single thing about my problems?? WOW. Not even a losing weight may help, no, no misinterpretation there. He told me my weight was the issue for my problems (when in fact it is a result). He had no idea that i ONLY gained weight AFTER i got really sick (and had these cysts). Heck, even at my heaviest in pregnancy i was 80 pounds lighter than i was at this meeting (have since lost almost 20 pounds).

The reason i got sent to him in the first place was because of my scans. So i have now had 4 in the last 2 years. The first one showed i may have adenomyosis so i had to have one done again in a couple months. The 2nd one showed i had an 8cm (large) cyst on my right ovary. Anything over 5 is recommended surgery so this is why i was sent to the gyno. He had the info from those tests but couldn't even bother to really look at them instead said he didn't have my full history so couldn't help me. After his attitude i did not want his help anyways.My next test came back clean so i just left it at that. My doctor asked me to give him another chance but his office never contacted me again so i won't bother (i saw him over a year ago now).

I am usually the one who requests the tests as i can usually tell when i have a cyst that bothers me. With the upcoming move and the fact i have had my family doctor since i was 15 i figured i should probably get another one done just to follow up and make sure nothing was wrong.

Well......it was a good thing i followed up. Of course i did NOT have a clean scan again. Now at times i have thought i had fibroids, i had all the symptoms, but nope didn't have. I have thought i had PCOS and it appears i do not have that either. I had my doc appointment on the 22nd of April. Soon as he comes in the room he asks me when i am moving. Now, i had known i didn't have a clean scan because the nurse told me that (but nothing else) but with him asking me that off the bat made me a bit worried. At least i was going to get the answers soon though. I told him we would now be here for the summer. He said good, i am going to send you to another doctor and then prints off my scan results to go over them with me.

So now i have fibroids, clusters of them with the biggest one being 2.2cm. That may seem small but in the area it is in it is not that small. It also shows possible adenomyosis as well which can not be diagnosed by ultrasound. You need a CT scan. At this point i looked at him and said can we at least diagnose that since this is the 2nd test that showed it and i have ALL the symptoms (it would also explain the distention every day and weight gain). I keep reading and i have ANOTHER (moderate sized complex right ovarian cyst of 3.7 CM). FFS. They also said there is also evidence of a benign hemorrhagic cyst which means one ruptured as well and that i should have a follow up test in 2-3 months to see if this one ruptures or if it gets bigger.

Here is the part that gets tricky. The ONLY Actual way to cure both fibroids and adenomyosis is a hysterectomy. There are surgeries you could have that would fix it for now (but could come back) but for both those conditions a hysterectomy is the only solution. Once you have fibroids they do not go away on their own.

We are not having children together. I have had 3 pregnancies with only 1 resulting in a child and he has never wanted children. Getting married and having kids was never his life goal. Austin was 8 when we met and that was perfect for him. After my tubal pregnancy i was told i only had a 50% chance of getting pregnant so i resigned myself at that time (it was before i met my husband) that another child in my future was not probable. With that being said i am struggling mentally. I have known a hysterectomy was in my future for almost 2 years now. The biggest argument i had was that they want to keep my ovary so that i don't go through menopause but everyone i know who did not get their ovaries taken out has had complications. With 4 cysts on my ovaries showing up larger than normal (who knows how many i have had in between the tests) i think it would be stupid to keep it.

I am struggling you guys. Making the choice to not have more kids and get your tubes tied (or chosen hysterectomy) is one thing. Having the decision taken away from you is another. It isn't the same struggle as someone who was infertile from the beginning but at the time of my tubal i DID want another baby. I wanted one badly up to about 4 years ago when i just knew in my heart of hearts that it was not going to happen. I am also scared about menopause. I KNOW this is something that needs to happen. I know it, but the thought of being in menopause at 36 is a bit scary. Some people are good, some react horribly and others in the middle. It affects everyone completely different which is the scary part. I try to be a fairly happy go lucky person. I don't want to turn into a big grouch. Not having a period will be nice as my last one lasted 10 days but i don't want the mood swings. I should be thankful i have one healthy son but it is tough. He always wanted a sibling too.

Sorry if this sounds a bit whiny but this is my blog after all. I may look back a year from now and be like wow, i can't believe i felt that way. I go back and read old blog posts and i literally watch the way i think change right in front of my eyes as i grow up more every day and i am like wow, i can't believe i wrote that or thought like that but i leave those up to remind myself how far i have come.

So now it is a waiting game. I have to wait till i get the appointment with the doctor which could take a while.I told my doctor to make sure if is someone with a better attitude and won't chalk everything up to my weight the minute they see me. I also have to wait on an appointment with a different ENT than the last one i saw. I saw this one before but they never phoned me even though my doc referred me to them the last time too. Hopefully i won't wait too long. The pain my lymph nodes gave me this last week was almost unbearable.I had to go to bed because i couldn't get any relief. I have to be suffering to go to bed by 8pm lol. Nothing was working. I then got some topical stuff and tried t3's that we had laying around (in our medicine cabinet). The pain is down to a dull roar now, thank god! i was ready to rip my head off, not kidding. Two weeks of 8-10 lymph nodes swollen all over including on bones was a bit tough.

I have lost a total of 9 kilos or so since September. I am at a plateau right now though. I haven't felt good for 2 weeks so i am not on such a healthy kick. I am not on a bad one per se. Just not as much fruits and veggies to my diet as i should have.

This should be my last negative post for a while. My life is pretty good otherwise. I can't complain too much. Just trying to figure out how to financially get through this summer with 3 weddings, all are out of town but 1 is far out of town lol. I hope everyone has a great weekend!