I have soooooooo much going on in this little head of mine. So it is a little over a month till my surgery. I got a phone call two days ago from the pre admissions clinic. I should have been able to do my pre op over the phone BUT i have sleep apnea and i have had to be intubated while awake before. She told me the anesthesiologist may want to see me as they have some concerns.She also said that they had sent requests to both hospitals that i have had previous surgeries at to see how things went with placing the breathing tube.
I then got a call yesterday from the same lady. She told me they got the info from 1/2 hospitals and they did want me to come in so that the anesthesiologist could go over all his concerns with me. I did not have sleep apnea when i had my first surgery so idk if that plays on their concerns or not.
I personally am not worried about it though. The most they are going to tell me is i have to be awake for intubation. I freaked out the first time i was told that (to be fair, i was 24, it was my 1st major surgery and i was already prepped so i had no one around me). They did freeze my hand to get me medication faster. They also gave me something that would make me forget all about it. To this day i only remember getting to the O/R and seeing my doctor. i felt at peace then and i don't even remember if i spoke to him. I don't think there is anything to be concerned over and that is the least of my feelings.
This surgery is probably one of the more intense ones for your brain. I found a great forum but i can't go there often or it sets my mind reeling. I don't remember being this scared before. It is such a common surgery that some people think it is not a big deal but it IS a BIG deal. It is life altering that will change the course of my life forever at the age of 36. It doesn't matter what age one has it at, unless you are in the boat of being satisfied with your life and are completely comfortable with it, it is mentally taxing. I didn't raise my son so giving birth to him is not even close to the same as someone who has raised their child. It is closer to adoption than anything else and when one is young and in that situation usually the thought is down the road you will have more children. My tubal pregnancy 10 years ago squashed that and i have never dealt with those feelings of loss.
For me some of the hardest parts are the unknown. The fear is very real, because i have seen so many complications arise. My mothers issues all started with this surgery. That is why i asked for a specialist. She just had a general surgeon, and got a bladder lift as well. I am not having a bladder lift even though i need one because of those complications. 7 years and 4 surgeries later she is screwed for life.
I am going into surgical menopause which is very scary in itself. HRT is very scary. I am hoping with everything i have in me that i do not need to do HRT. From everything i read it is not fun, but neither is being miserable. Out of all the options for a hysterectomy it appears the kind i am having is the most invasive. TAH with BSO which means full hysterectomy with removal of ovaries. Every single person has a different recovery. No two are the same which is the scary part. I don't know how much better i will be.
With my previous surgeries i knew i would have a drastic change. This one idk if my recovery will be good or not. The doctor said he is positive i have endo (which don't show on ultrasound) and that could have a lot to do with my discomfort (right now i ache from morning till night and look 9 months pregnant every single day). The thing with endo is, it doesn't get cured with a hysterectomy. They also don't know how bad it is till you are on the table.
It is really hard to be happy and positive about this when it is so scary. I want to feel better, of course i do. Unlike my other surgeries it is not guaranteed though :(. Bring on that message board has made me realize though that it is very scary for a lot of people so my feelings are justified.
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