me?

Oh man i love this stats page. I can't figure out who everyone is though but it is cool to know how much time ppl spend on my blog. One person 4 hours today? I had 88 hits today alone. Even  someone from the same name as the town i live except indiana. How cool, i know is not from here & mixed up because it says who isp providers are but that is it. Isp #s, providers & the location are all i can find out, privacy is a big thing ya know :P  Fyi, i am not bluffing either in case you think i am. You are caught.

That happens with drama ha ha. People love to see what is going on with others because it helps to know you aren't alone etc. I know i love blogs, i love peoples lives. I just HATE puppies & rainbows. Everyone goes through hard times. You may not want to share them but don't act like you are happy 100% of the time. Be real!

Anyways so some stats about me.

My name is Bonnie-Lynn for those that are new & did not remember it. I do not have a siggy cause i am not cool like that so it is not at the bottom of posts.

I am 32, will be 33 in september.
My fiance is 30.
My son is 13.

I live in a smaller urban center in manitoba canada. Our population is only 13,000 but we are an urban center because we are fully centrally located in canada. The only place where usa & canadian trains meet.

We bought our house in july, but we are not in our permanent house. We want to build in the country. It is ok for now.

My parents are divorced but were alcoholics. My dad quit drinking, my mom doesn't drink that much now. I love them.

My sis is 26 & my bro is 30. You have heard about my sis already. I kinda miss them sometimes, even though my bro lives here lol.

I come across as a hard ass a lot. Don't get me wrong i am definately a hard ass but i have a HUGEEEEE heart. I really, really care about people. More than anyone will ever know. I use anger as a crutch because then people don't know how bad they have really hurt me. I do mean what i say though, very rarely do i regret something i have said. Sometimes i wish i said it different but i do not sugarcoat so it can come out wrong.

I love to read, i mean can not live life without books. I read every single night. I love the computer but i like knowledge. I love to learn so i read read read.

I find people interesting, i like to learn about them, which is why i love being in customer service. Sometimes i don't understand them though.

I have huge huge morals that i stand up for. I get VERY passionate about things as i am sure you have seen in my posts. I am not perfect by any means but i would never commit those major faux pas.

I believe in treating people right. I bend over backwards & it shows. I hate that it is not reciprocated. I am really learning who i can trust though. It shattered me when that person betrayed me like that. I questioned everything. I cried for 3 days but not a tear since. I cried because i could not believe they could do such a thing. Ever love someone so much that you think they would move heaven & earth for you then find out you are the bug on the ground they want to squish? Ya that is me & how i feel. I have only ever felt that hurt with my dad, my mom, my sis & my gram so that says a lot about how close i let people get.

I am an emotional person. I find since getting engaged i cry a lot more, not even over feelings getting hurt. I cry over stupid tv shows that are not even real. WTF is wrong with me? I went soft! I even like pink now & am finding myself buying pink things & like how it stands out on my darker skin tone.

My relationship is not perfect. He can be an ass & i can be a witch. That's pretty normal but this is the first time i have ever stayed in love in my life. I usually fall out of love fast which to me says it was never real before.

I find since we got engaged we fight less. The more actual time we spend together we argue less. When we work tons we disagree much much more. I think we try harder for our relationship now.

We are soooooo similar yet sooooo different. I am an optomist & he is a pessimist. We have the same thought process & often find ourselves saying the exact same thing at the exact same time almost on the daily. Then we laugh & are like get outta my head!!!

I am very spiritual, most don't know that. I LOVE going to church. I just feel such peace there. I also believe in spirits & angels. I have seen some things that make me believe, plus i have an inner voice that gives me direction sometimes, it doesn't usually steer me wrong. No i am not crazy, but when i went through my most trying time i swore my grandpa came to me & told me he would help me lead the way & always look after me. I am the only grandchild he got to spend time with. He is now on my shoulder.

I am opinionated. I have an opinion on everything. Other people can have opinions too. I like debates as long as you do it in a constructive mannger. If your just telling me how wrong i am then i don't wanna bother listening to you. There is a way to go about it.

I know i could be a better mom, my son & i struggle for control. He is 13 after all, it is not just me he is like this with, he is like that with everyone, but of course i am a fixer up er. I wanna make him & it all better with bandaids lol. He is still a good kid though & helps me around the house.

My fiance helps me clean. Right now our house is a disaster because of the projects i have on the go, but with 36 days to go they will be done soon lol. I am so thankful he helps with housework. If i work 4 nights in a row no way do i have time for much. If i get the proper sleep i get up at suppertime, make supper, watch tv for an hour & play with bear then go to work. I dont want to add cleaning to the list.

He also has been majorly helping with the wedding. He will get right in & help me when i work on things. it's awesome, i know not all men do that.

I love to cook & bake. I  make simple meals for myself though because i can not eat a lot of foods.

I have had surgeries. I used to be very skinny. I was even skinny after i had my son. I got the wrong medication a few years ago & ballooned 20 pounds for 2 months straight. Then i got off it but damage was done. So i was up to 180.

Somehow in the last 5 years i have put on  A LOT of weight. I will never be below 180 again because of scar tissue but i would love to get to 200. Unfortunately i have a fatty liver now, scar tissue & major bloating problems so i can't see it. I also don't excercise the way i need to though because of a bulging herniated disc i have at the base of my spine. Nothing takes that pain away. I have a for life ban of lifting, bending & standing from my doctor based on last test results. It makes it sound like i am making excuses but trust me, i wouldn't wish this on anyone. Some people have a hard time believe it is really that bad because i don't outwardly complain, so they argue with me. It is aggravating.

I struggle with depression because of health issues. I know i can't fix the problems but i could cut out some things that would help. I like pop & chocolate. When i was not working nights i rarely drank pop since quitting smoking but now i need it to stay awake. I get very upset when i try to do the excercises & the pain is so bad i can't do them. It makes me feel way way way worse because i feel helpless then. Meds don't help, not even the steroid injections i have gotten for the inflammation, i have had the lifetime amount allowed in the first year already.

I don't share my struggles, not even with G until i have a breakdown, i want to take on everyone else's problems but i don't think i am worthy of other people taking on mine, plus i never want to be betrayed this way again. I also tend to get over things fast when i am upset. I cry one minute then the problem is fixed & i am happy again. I am easy to please. G told me once he really loves that about me. I am simple, but i am a princess & gonna have a princess wedding! lol.

This has gotten long enough. I hope i didn't scare anyone with my ghost story. I know everyone doesn't believe & that is ok. I don't talk about it often, i promise.

Any questions? Anything else you want to know?