flashback (past)

When i went back to the town my parents lived in i couldn't wait to get away. My mom was drinking all the time with her bf and always at the bar, and he came before us. My dad stopped drinking but was a miserable person (really not so bad if he let's his guard down and actually let's someone in, instead of this facade he always has) and it was the same old same old up there, small town, nothing to do. I decided to go back to calgary to get together with an old bf. That only lasted a couple months (nice guy, just not right for each other) so then i went to edmonton where one of my best friends lives. That is where i met Jeff.

I was very niave and looking for something, so of course i got taken very easy. I ended up pregnant with my son, 18, far from home, no money, no job, no nothing, sometimes we didn't even have much for food and i would get very hungry, but we had a roof. Jeff finally had enough and called his dad, who sent us bus tickets to come back to manitoba. 

What hell that turned out to be, i only got 1 meal a day, that was supper, so really i went hungry there too, i also had to work outside in a big garden pulling weeds for hours to earn my keep because they moved into a new place where the garden was run down. Jeff had a job but it wasn't good enough for them. So i called my gram and she came to pick me up. 

When i was 16 i started getting sick all the time, when i went to live with my gram she kept having to take me to the city for tests, never finding much. Jeff decided he was going to follow me a couple months later, did not want to accept that i left him, pregnant with our baby. I was about 5 months along then. 

Things with jeff were hard, i believe he was doing drugs, money disappeared very fast, and he could never ever explain it. I had had enough and went back to live with my gram just after my son Austin was born. I was 19, young, stupid, influenced easily. 

I will not go into the reasons, they are not very pretty, but i got into some trouble, some major trouble, and i was having trouble with Jeff not leaving me alone, outside my place at all hours, looking in the windows etc. My cousin caught him in a tshirt & long johns with no jacket when it was FREEZING out. I stayed up one night freaked out a little over catching him outside again and fell asleep exhausted in the morning. I never heard austin crying and someone called cfs on me. Because of the shit i was going thru with his dad they thought i had too much on my plate, so i gave my gram guardianship.

I was very active in his life and could take care of him just fine, but myself i wasn't eating well or sleeping due to this other crap, so i was mentally and physically drained, i wasn't doing drugs or anything, but i needed to get away, so i went up to my dad's, phoning my gram every night, i started eating and what not without the threat of jeff around but i was still worried about other things that could follow me so i still looked over my shoulder. I started feeling comfortable finally and came back down here. 

I spent alot of time with my son and it bothered jeff that he couldn't so he decided to take off, abandoning him, Austin hasn't seen him since, he went to jail for 3 years for armed robbery shortly after he left. I honestly feel this story is too much for this blog but it pertains alot to some rants i have been wanting to have now. I am going to skip ahead many years in the next post and let ya know what happened with my sister, cause then i can talk about more things now too lol.