Ok so i am giving up fb again, have been doing that alot lately to do a blast from the past. In my previous one i left off that when i moved to calgary was when i met Meg & Bev.
I was a pretty niave child, i was really well behaved too, i looked after my brother & sister & my house, cooked, cleaned, all since the age of 10. That has alot to do with my rebellion. That and the alcoholism.
Meghan and Bev for the most part were able to do what they wanted, Meg more than bev, and i was a bit jealous, I was ALWAYS babysitting, this is the time i started to change to be more like them, i was 13, bev like her alcohol too, meg liked boys, and to get into trouble. She liked to steal. Living in calgary defined me, i loved it there, but i also stole, was boy crazy (not sex, or even anything remotely close, too young) drank, did anything and everything i could to rebel, started smoking, would leave my bro n sis home alone to go down the street to hang with the guys and play video games.
I met my first "thugs" who carried guns, who were just teenagers themselves, this was back before carrying guns was a must in a big city, but some were the nicest people around, that gave me the wrong impression.
I was young, silly, stupid, had parents that weren't home so that made it easy for people to take advantage of the situation. When i was 15 we moved back to manitoba, I cried the whole way home, all 14 hours in the car, listening to the same tape over n over again, yes i said tape, cd's didn't exist. I did not want to move back to this small town from the big city and leave my new life behind. For a teenager moving across the country is a big thing, even when you have family there, that is how i felt moving to calgary away from my family.
It wasn't so bad once i got back, i made more friends, had a core group, met a guy, had sex, yes i had sex the first time when i was 16, he was my rock though, thats the only other time i have been truly in love, i could talk to him about anything, and i did, and he actually understood me, i only had sex with him one time but i got pregnant. My aunt made me unknowingly have a miscarriage by going on rollercoasters, literally grabbing my arm and forcing me, the attendant just thought i was scared, i should have shouted out that i was pregnant, but i was 16, i didn't know any better. I miscarried twins the next day, i was 11 weeks. She doesn't know this but i haven't forgave her, but everything happens for a reason and i would not have my son.
My parents moved from here that same summer so of course i had to go with them, i shouldn't have, the only thing good that came from that time was i met Kat & warren and maybe another decent person or 2. Moving away senior year was bad, i stopped going to school & i started drinking every day, moved to a smaller town where there was nothing absolutely nothing to do, I started doing drugs and hanging with a bad crowd, but i was the life of the party so i didn't care. I was promiscuous, yes i am admitting it, why? because that was just the way i was, why bother lying. It is NOT who i am nor who i have been once i left that town. We all do stupid things, me i did not respect my body or myself. I had very low self esteem, i didn't care what happened to me. I was used & abused by everyone i knew, including my dad's friends but NO ONE even knows that, so i might as well have kept up the abuse on myself right?
Then i took off with the fair, i was 17, it was an awesome time, i stopped sleeping around, i still drank and such but these people treated me like family. Then season was over, and i had to go back home..........
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