Emotional me

I wrote a post yesterday, it was very raw, i posted it, then decided to put it back to drafts. I wasn't ready to share that side of me. It was very real, a side that is not shown to anyone very often, i tend to be a happy person who gets annoyed easy so you will see happy posts, you will see annoyed posts because i have a hard time being around people. I love working with the public but in my little bubble the more people i let in the worse i get. i get very lonely sticking to myself but sometimes it is what i have to do. I de-activated fb yesterday for this reason, when i do decide to go back i am deleting most real life people.

I go on there mostly to play games, but i love status updates, but i am of the small minority who thinks a persons page or status should be for whatever they want it to say, within reason of course. I do not want to see half naked pictures of my friends or statuses about constant partying when you have kids at home, but i think people should be able to put real statuses up, if they are having a bad day, if someone pissed them off, as long as they don't specifically name names or anything i think it's ok. People have taken this fb thing too far, for what it is actually intended for. It should NOT be all puppies & rainbows, that is NOT real life. If you don't want everyone to see your stuff then change it in privacy settings or take the people off whom you can't be real with.

I had a status that literally only said Thanks to our wp & friends & family who helped out with the social. I am a bit disappointed & hurt by those that said they would buy tickets but never did, or those who couldn't be bothered to at all. My only regret is supporting those who obviously don't support me. That is it, but my family jumped on me for it, ironically the first person to respond is the one who's social i spent lots of money on plus she had both me & my fiance work the door/bar without asking us prior. She ignored my text & message asking her about the social. So ya if you ignore me then you definately have no say on my status.

I never did read what all they said, i didn't want to hear the excuses, but i did see one person who had nothing to do with it at all & who constantly writes what he is feeling or will put up what someone did to him on his status told me i should keep some things private, not everything is for fb. I got mad, what i said was NOT specific but there is NO reason i couldn't put on there that i was disappointed. There was absolutely nothing wrong with what i said, the only ones who got offended were the ones in pertained too. So i responded with it is my page, my page is 100% private, no outsiders can see it & if people don't like what i have to say then they can hide my posts, delete & block me if they want, that i don't think i should have to be fake & can't say what i am really feeling when 95% of the time they are happy updates.

I decided fb is NOT helping me feel good right now, i have been in a pretty hopeless/depressed state because i do not have a job & have never had so much trouble before. I have an awesome resume, good cover letter, good references, a 4.15 GPA & i am either over qualified or under qualified. They don't see my desperation & that i don't care if i am over qualified. It really sucks. I am hoping i find something soon because my ei will run out soon & we will be royally screwed, i pay at least 500 in bills in a month, not gonna be fun if he has to add that to his bills. We will be truely broke for once. I want to get the cc paid off so we can book our disney trip, with what he just put on it we have got it down almost 1000. If we can do another 1000 then i can book the trip, so i really really need a job, this way i can still pay my share of the bills.

I was hoping the social would help with the cc to book honeymoon but while we made what we spent we didn't really come ahead, which sucks. A lot of people that were supposed to show didn't, we can't change that now. We had a blast, everyone else had a blast, that is the main thing, even if we didn't make the money we wanted too. We put on one hell of a good party, even if we forgot the clamato juice lol. I tried soooooooo hard, i needed it perfect. We forgot the clam & paper coffee cups, the coffee cups wasn't so bad we just used real ones & had dishes to do. I can't believe we never thought of the clam though, i moved the pop into the garage & the clam was hiding, he never thought of it & we forgot it. I broke down our first dance (no one even knew) because it wasn't perfect. How sad when i think about it now lol, but when you try so hard & that one thing goes wrong all the weight of the stress comes crashing down. I had fun planning though & can't wait till the wedding.

Oh ya bitchy bridesmaid dropped out, cowardly, the day of the social, on fb none the less, didn't have the balls to actually tell me, she sent me an email listing all my faults at 1:30 am. I deleted her from bbm & didn't bother to send anything back, i was not going to play that game. I honestly just want her out of my life. She has changed so much since she lost her other job. She cheated on her bf of 10 years & not once did i judge her or criticize her. Not once, so she can kiss my ass. She has made way more mistakes than i have, way more.

I think that is it for now, i will probably post a bit more now that i am not on fb.