Jen this one is for you, since i have you on fb & you been following a long time your just gonna love it!!!
As you know there has been a lot of drama with my grandma this last year. I wrote her a letter a couple weeks ago asking for a letter in writing saying austin can come to disneyworld with us. She wrote back saying she could not commit this far out even though i explained i cant wait any longer to book the trip & that if austin found out about anything else before her it would be an automatic no. Last week i asked him to ask her if i can pick him up from school this coming friday (until last november i picked him up from school every friday for 5 years). He phoned me that night & said no i was not allowed because i did not write her a letter asking her permission or phone her asking her first. I was like wtf? I was completely livid.
I stewed about it for days, finally sitting down & writing her another letter. I had to think real hard on this one because i did not want her super upset but i thought it was a ridiculous request. I could sorta see her being upset over disney but as i explained to her in the letter her & i have no relationship anymore so that is a pretty high expectation thinking she will find everything out before austin.
Basically i told her it was childish, that i am writing every interaction down & that it will look stupid to a judge how everyone else can do anything with them but that i am one of the most important people in his life but i have to beg to get anything. I also told her i would never forgive her & that the person she is hurting the most is austin, that she says she is doing everything to protect him but she is doing the opposite. I also reminded her that in court in front of a judge she swore she would do everything in her power to make sure i had a relationship with him & she is doing the opposite.
I told her she has unreal expectations, that i am not comfortable talking to her just to get yelled at. That she needs to give up her bitterness & truly do what is best for him. She likes the control & has always controlled me through him, until i went to the courthouse & found out that she wasn't able to do the things she said. I told her she can't always control everything, that in real life everything doesn't always work on her timeline the way she wants it too, that is it not always possible. I also told her i truly believed she would purposefully try to screw me out of a couple thousand dollars by saying he can't go to disney if i don't have it in writing because she has done it before (intentionally screwed me over many times, just not with that much money).
I told her he is 13 years old & i should be able to ask him to come for supper or pick him up after school if i want & the decision be up to him, that pretty soon he will legally be able to make his own decisions & that he is going to resent her.
This morning at 7:30 he phones me up & tells me gram changed her mind & i can now pick him up after school on friday, then he phoned my cell 20 minutes later to ask if i got the message, i said yes but you woke me very early, lil shit says "well would you rather i have waited till friday to tell you" he gets that sarcastic side from geno. I said no but you could have phoned after school instead, that wouldn't be so early in the morning lmao.
I hope she lets go of her bitterness, seeing as i didn't do anything wrong other than tell her i had him till 7 when she was complaining i never brought him back @ 6:30 on halloween because she did not want us to take him out together, that is how it all started. I guess we will see how things go from here.
I am glad i get to pick him up because this is the weekend we go away. So now we get to actually order pizza at supper time & go swimming & such in the evening, we will feel like a weekend away, which it wouldn't have quite felt like if we didn't get to check in until 9:30 pm. This is a big weekend, our 5 year anniversary is next week, in 2 weeks is our 1 year engagement & my 1 YEAR QUIT SMOKING!!!!!! Holy crap.
UGH! I don't even KNOW your Grandmother and I want to slap the wrinkles off that old bitches face!!
ReplyDeleteI understand that she may be his 'legal guardian' but she ISN'T his MOTHER. I would understand her choices more if you and Geno were irresponsible. If you did a ton of drugs and can't stay sober for more than 10 min. If you had a revolving door of men 'coming' (haha) and going out of your house. But you're not and you don't.
I completely agree that he is old enough to make his own decisions if he wants to see you or not. That also includes if he wants to come down here to Disney as well.
Now, this is just my own opinion but what I would do in the future is GO to her house with a statement asking permission to take Austin to Disney, to dinner.. to pick him up whatever.. with a space for her to check yes or no and a place to sign and date. That way, when you're finally able to go to court to get him back, you can be like "SEE!! I asked ____ amount of times to do this.. or that.. etc. and she told me NO! I HAVE been trying to see my child but she won't let me".
Also, it puts her on the spot when you're standing in front of her asking to do things. She may still say no, but it will look VERY poorly for her in the future and good for you b/c you will have physical evidence of her agreeing or disagreeing to the visits. She can't ever say that you didn't ask, or that she did say yes and you're lying about her saying no just to make her look bad. Cus right now, you're just writting a letter to her for permission but you aren't getting anything tangible in return (only verbal agreements thru Austin) showing her decisions.
Anyway.. that's just my thoughts :)
Congrats on the anniversaries and the no smoking! :)
UGH! I don't even KNOW your Grandmother and I want to slap the wrinkles off that old bitches face!!
ReplyDeleteI understand that she may be his 'legal guardian' but she ISN'T his MOTHER. I would understand her choices more if you and Geno were irresponsible. If you did a ton of drugs and can't stay sober for more than 10 min. If you had a revolving door of men 'coming' (haha) and going out of your house. But you're not and you don't.
I completely agree that he is old enough to make his own decisions if he wants to see you or not. That also includes if he wants to come down here to Disney as well.
Now, this is just my own opinion but what I would do in the future is GO to her house with a statement asking permission to take Austin to Disney, to dinner.. to pick him up whatever.. with a space for her to check yes or no and a place to sign and date. That way, when you're finally able to go to court to get him back, you can be like "SEE!! I asked ____ amount of times to do this.. or that.. etc. and she told me NO! I HAVE been trying to see my child but she won't let me".
Also, it puts her on the spot when you're standing in front of her asking to do things. She may still say no, but it will look VERY poorly for her in the future and good for you b/c you will have physical evidence of her agreeing or disagreeing to the visits. She can't ever say that you didn't ask, or that she did say yes and you're lying about her saying no just to make her look bad. Cus right now, you're just writting a letter to her for permission but you aren't getting anything tangible in return (only verbal agreements thru Austin) showing her decisions.
Anyway.. that's just my thoughts :)
Congrats on the anniversaries and the no smoking! :)
I wrote that in the letter too, that we don't drink often & we do not do drugs at all.
ReplyDeleteI have requested letters in my responses from her so that i have proof of what she says. I also have everything written down according to date.
She is going to look pretty stupid i tell ya, she had a hard time explaining why she didn't even want me to have weekends, the judge told her she really had no reasons & granted them to me. She wasn't happy.
I knew this one would piss u off, you should see the letter in all it's glory, it would be pretty long for me to type out again, it is a full page in 11pt font. it is a beauty :)
Thanks hun :)