This might be a hot topic but i need to get it out. My son has been with my gram since he was a baby. His father left when he was 1, while i was away for christmas, without telling me he was leaving. He thought he would never have rights to Austin because he was with my gram, where if he would have stayed he would still have a relationship with him. He got into trouble immediately after & went to jail for 3 years. He sent my son letters when he got out & a couple presents but gave up after 3 months because my son at 5/6 years old was not ready to write back to him, he read the letters, kept them, but wasn't ready to do anything more than that at that point. Jeff gave up.
I barely hear from jeff, i have heard from him sporadically, the last time i heard from him was december 30, 2009. Before that april 2008, january 2007 etc etc. So as you see I do not hear from him very often. I keep ALL correspondence, both mine & his, all good & bad, just for reference. I believe in proof lol. Anyways he sent me an email today asking to have him for a week next summer, saying Austin will be 13 (next week) & therefore old enough to make his own choices.
EXCUSE ME, wtf??? I am so baffled by this man, who in their right mind would send a 13 year old boy 1000 miles away to spend time with a father whom he doesn't know, he knows of him, rarely asks about him, as if i would send him there. So i told him that, he said of course he would want to meet him but would like me to bring him to edmonton. Umm sorry no, i told him he now has to wait unitl he is 18. I said you have waited this long, you can wait 5 more short years.
Then he wanted pictures, said he should at least get that, SORRY BUT YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED, i told him he gets nothing, then he told me he creeps him on fb, so i had to phone my gram & make sure all his profiles are private, private, private, this is why i did not want him to have fb, now he has 3, because she keeps letting him make more, she doesn't want me on his fb n that is why she does it.
I just do not understand how he thinks he is owed anything, he still blames everyone else, but he made the choice. I am not going to feel bad over telling him he has to wait 5 more years. My son starts high school next year & we are getting married. I do not want his life disrupted in the way this man would do it, he is spotty, when austin is 18 he can meet him, i am sure he will choose to meet him & that is fine, i am not opposed to it, i am just opposed to it right now. When he is 18 he will be more mentally prepared to meet him. Right now it would be extremely damaging. My son has adhd & needs a lot of attention, he is also very hard on himself, so having a father that decides when he wants to come in & out of his life would affect him negatively & i will do everything i can to protect him. Sorry but it's a lil too late & i will not feel like a B*tch for thinking this way. Sorry if anyone doesn't agree, i just needed to get it out.
PS: Do NOT tell me i am wrong for thinking such way, you don't even know 1/100th of the actual story so please don't judge, i am a firm believer in a child knowing his parents, just not in this case, at this age. I tried for years when austin was younger.
Hmm.. wtf is wrong with this man?? lol I mean.. I could understand if Austin's dad lived closer, like the next town over or something, and Austin was able to spend a day here and a day there getting to know his (non-existant) father. But to send him 1,000 miles away to a man he doesn't even know.. umm WHAT?! Would be completely different if the guy had been really involved since day 1 but a call or letter once every 2+ years
ReplyDelete?? Hell.. penpal's from jail coorespond more! lol
I agree, a child should know both of his parents, provided that both of them are responsible, caring adults. But come on! Out of the blue he wants to act like it's nothing to just send your kid away like that? WHATEVER!!
Plus, with all the changes in Austin's life right now and the next 12 months, I agree.. it's just not the right time for it. It's too major of a change to just spring it on him and send him away. What if Austin and his father didn't get along and Austin hated it there? He may end up feeling bad towards you for making him go. In my opinion, you did the right thing. You don't owe this joker a damn thing. If seeing Austin is that important to him, he can bring his ass to Austin and spend time with him THERE.. in your own town where Austin can go home when he wants, in the comfort of his own town knowing he's safe.
Sorry, I just get so pissed when parents (whether it be the mom or dad) just up and decides that after years of ignoring the fact that they have a kid, think they can just pop up and start making demands. They can fuck off :) 'K... end of my rant.
That's just it Jenn, i told him that when he is 18 he can meet him. I also told him i would not send him pics, that austin can decide when he is 18 if he wants him to have some, then do a timeline scrapbook of sorts.
ReplyDeleteMy gram told austin about it when he deleted 2 of his fb profiles today, i talked to him a bit, will talk to him more this weekend.
He has no emotional attachment to this man so i don't think he cares or it bothers him in any way right now, meeting him would change all that.
If he hasn't seen him in 12 years, 5 more won't make a difference right? Unless he passes away before then & yes he is manipulative enough to tell us he is dieing in order to see him when he really isn't.
When he went to jail the first time he told a judge he had custody of his son & couldn't provide for him was the reason he commited armed robbery. I can't remember what he used austin for for his second charge but he tried too, the judge became suspicious & checked things out down here.
Any man that is willing to use his son in that way has no morals. For once he didn't try to sweet talk me, in the end he said he knows my decision is final.
Agree with everything you said, as well as the commenter. I couldn't have said it better. I do have just one little question though, and that is why can't you sue your gram for full custody now? Sure the past was pretty bad, but now you're stable, responsible, a homeowner, about to be married to a man Austin knows and likes, etc., etc., The way the courts like to reunite families and all that, I don't see where your gram would have a leg to stand on. That way, you wouldn't have to put up with her idiocy when you're trying to make (the correct) decisions for your child's life. Just a thought. What about it?
ReplyDeleteWow. It's amazing how many a**holes you have in your life!
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth, I think you've made the right decision. Keep on sticking to your guns!
-K-
Good question Cher. The answer simply is because i do not have a job right now, i am on ei, that is not good enough. Once i get a job you bet i am going for him, she doesn't have a leg to stand on against me, especially after the way she has treated me for the last year. I was in the lawyer process when i lost my job so i had to put it on hold for now.
ReplyDeleteThanks k, nice to see you around, you should do a new post soon, catch me up!!!
I don't know what ei is, but either way, glad you're going to go for it. if ei is public assistance or something like that, what difference does it make to the courts? You have a husband who works. Some wives never work. Or did you mean being on ei, you can't afford to pay an attorney. Sorry, I'm not trying to be nosy, just trying to understand.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry you are not nosy, i firmly believe that if i put something online i better be prepared to answer questions. I am not one to put something out there then think it is rude when people get curious, so don't worry about it.
ReplyDeleteEi is unemployment insurance, it is not social assistance, it is something you pay into when you are work, you need 900 working hours to qualify, i had 1800 since i last was on it which was 2009 when i went to school.
I understand some never work but my grandma has a job, so she will fight till the bitter end if i don't have a job because god forbid if my relationship ever broke up & i wasn't working how would i support him. That wouldn't happen but with her it is always something. Nothing i ever do is good enough, yet she is almost 70 & can't do anything with him, relys on everyone else. It's stupid & should never have gotten this far, if i was smarter i would have done it long ago instead of always trying to keep peace & doing what she says.